How to Let Someone Know You Want a More Serious:relationship

 Written by Writer's Corps fellow member Emily Desanctis

Disappointing someone is tough. Nearly of us volition exercise somersaults to avoid the uncomfortable interaction of telling someone the opposite of what they desire to hear, particularly when information technology involves romantic feelings.

When you actually care about someone, it'due south also equally hard to be on the receiving finish of "I'm not looking for a relationship right at present." Keeping the post-obit tips in mind will help yous deliver the news in a mode that's as healthy and painless every bit possible, for everyone involved.

Define the dynamic upfront

The all-time way to approach this topic is early on. Whether you're looking for something coincidental and want to proceed it that way, or whether yous're not interested in anything at all, clarifying this from the outset helps avoid defoliation and awkward conversations later on.

Certain, over time your feelings may change—and so might this other person's—merely starting out the discussion from an honest place grounded past how you lot experience in the present is a must.

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Express The State of affairs In Terms Of Your Feelings And Needs

Forget personal insults, apologies, or blame; instead be honest and straight with how yous feel, what you need, and how that isn't aligned with being in a relationship. For example, maybe you're feeling overwhelmed with classes and you need to focus on your schoolwork; or peradventure you're feeling excited and curious about being newly unmarried and you demand some time to explore and figure out what you really desire without making any commitments.

Whatever the state of affairs, focusing on feelings and needs will help prevent it from escalating into an statement. It may be that this other person'south feelings and needs are in direct opposition to yours, and that's perfectly okay. As long as they're stating these in a non-accusatory way that doesn't minimize your needs, hear them out while staying true to what's right for you.

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Explain Your Perspective—To A Point

Choosing not to exist in a relationship is a personal choice—a freedom that you shouldn't have to defend or over-explain. You lot could leave it at that or you could go into more than detail, helping the other person understand your perspective.

In some cases, taking time to explain how you feel tin can help them meliorate accept your decision and move on. It can as well communicate a degree of respect and care for their feelings. However, talking through your perspective is only helpful to a point—every bit long as y'all're comfortable and the conversation is healthy. If it shifts into unhealthy territory where the other person is trying to alter your mind or make you feel bad, for instance blaming or guilting you for your decision, end the conversation.

Be Kind And Unapologetic

Deciding y'all don't want to be in a relationship—whether with a specific person or in full general—doesn't mean you have to turn into a cold, unfeeling person when you limited how y'all feel.  Part of being mature is having conversations you don't want to have in a fashion that respects yourself and the other person involved.

If the other person tells you in a good for you mode that they're bummed at your 'no', yous could express understanding for their reaction and regret at their injure feelings. But be careful to depict the line at taking the blame; for example, if they say "I can't believe you lot would practise this to me. Yous knew how much it would hurt me, and you did it anyway" or something to this effect that blames y'all for not getting what they want. Your needs are always valid and taking care of yourself is something you should never accept to apologize for or be made to feel bad about.

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We're all used to movies showing the states that 'no' is but an opening for an unwanted yet persistent suitor to brand their example and alter your mind. Even though information technology's portrayed equally heart-thumpingly romantic, this behavior really signals that someone doesn't respect your boundaries, and therefore is not something you want to encourage or accept if you desire to have a healthy relationship.

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Maybe yous will eventually desire a relationship with this person, and you lot'll end upwards together. Or maybe you'll realize it too late after they've already moved on with someone else. Or maybe y'all won't e'er give them a second thought. Yous tin't predict what you're going to want in the time to come and with whom. All you have to get on is how you feel and what you need today. If y'all focus on doing what's right for you at this moment, your determination—and how to express it—will reveal itself clearly.

Learn more tips on how to permit someone down like shooting fish in a barrel or other healthy relationship advice on the One Love blog.

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Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-tell-someone-youre-not-looking-for-a-relationship/

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